straightforwardly | 084 | In which I finish Dragon Age Inquisition, and am left feeling rather heartbroken

I… beat Dragon Age Inquisition today. I need tea and kittens and fic, pronto.

Spoilers up to the end of the game, of course.

To continue from where I left off last time:

I love talking to Cole about the weird shit he does. Also, because of him, the cook went from being someone I was feeling meh about to DDDD: in about two seconds.

!!!! COLE’S QUEST DIDN’T FREEZE?????

asdghjkl; How did this come down to choosing between the opinions of my two favorite people. Spirit or human, spirit or human? I think Atheris wants what’s best for Cole (she’s become… rather fond of him), but who knows which that would be.

Okay, thinking it through logically: perverting a spirit can make it into a demon— so perhaps she would reason that making him more of a spirit would be safer for him? That works, I’m running with it.

Oh, this is sad. I actually feel sorry for that templar— it’s clear that he feels guilty about what happened to the original Cole.

Varric’s reaction. :( But Solas’ question is a good one— “Would that have made him happier?”

Okay, time to do What Pride Has Wrought.

Ha, I love seeing Morrigan’s sarcasm at play again. And her pleasure at her skills being recognized was adorable.

On the other hand, Josephine looks so stressed by all of these arrangements. D:

IT’S THE TEMPLE OF MYTHAL, OMG OMG OMG. I love Mythal!

Okay, I have to headdesk, HARD at how the game had my Dalish elf Inquisitor, who has Mythal’s markings scrawled all over her face, react to Morrigan saying that it’s the Temple of Mythal with, “Which is?” NO BIG DEAL, JUST THE DEITY WHOSE TATTOOS YOU HAVE ALL OVER YOUR FACE.

Okay, I’ve been interested in Mythal since Origins (which was the reason why I chose her symbols for Atheris’ vallaslin), but, I have to say: the more I’m learning about her, the more I like her. She seems to fit Atheris perfectly.

FEN’HAREL STATUE. I love how snippy Solas was to Morrigan there.

Oh god I hate these puzzles so much. But it’s more in-character for Atheris to do them, so I will persevere.

Let me have another moment to fangirl about all the new information these game is giving me about the elves’ history and gods. SO INTERESTING.

So, Atheris decided to ally with Abelas, and not just because he has the exact same vallaslin as her on his face.

HOLY SHIT Morrigan turned into a bird and flew off. DID NOT EXPECT THAT.

Ha, I love Samson’s shock when his armor was destroyed.

There is nothing that I don’t love about Solas and Abela’s conversation. The whole ‘there’s still a place for you’ and the ‘like you?’ and just, all of that. (And Abelas all-but said that Solas is immortal— I’m surprised that no one seemed to catch on to that.)

Atheris had a hell of a hard time choosing who was going to drink from the Well of Sorrows, especially after Solas went “oh hell no” on her. Mythal is hers, the one she’s always followed— it would make more sense for her to do it, in that sense. But she doesn’t feel so great about being bound to another’s will, even if it’s Mythal, and isn’t sure if she really wants what the well itself has to offer. So, she let Morrigan have it, and hoped that she did right.

When she talked to Cassandra, after it was all done— their conversation was so sweet. I love the progression their friendship has taken in this game— from initial distrust to understanding and devotion. I do wish she put Atheris on less of a pedestal, but that’s true of most of her companions.

And then she had an awful argument with Sera, which probably should have been a warning about what was going to happen soon. Bad things tend to happen all at once, after all.

But first, I need to talk about this a bit more, in regards to how I reacted to it, because that whole scene honestly left me feeling sick. I’ve warmed up to Sera a lot since she first showed up, but that conversation… I don’t really know what to think of her anymore? She’s always been a bit abrasive, but not unlikable. But I’ve always hated it when people are jerks about other people’s religions, and how she was just gleeful about how “oh, it’s DEFINITELY false, haha!” and then lashed out when someone disagreed with her just a tiny bit… it was sickening for me. I just really wish there was a “how about you respect what I believe, and you respect what I believe, okay?” option in there.

Anyways. Now that I vomited up all those thoughts on that, let’s move on to the other conversations.

I’m not quite sure what happened with Cole there, but it definitely left me with a melancholy feeling.

Okay, I have to laugh. Instead of commenting on what just happened at the Temple of Mythal, Iron Bull seemed to think that they should be celebrating how they killed a dragon a little while back. My poor Atheris— I’m pretty sure that she’s going to have a hell of a hangover, later.

Oh god Solas. This hurts so much. WHY DID I GET EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THIS. My poor heart.

Atheris chose to keep the vallaslin. She reasoned that they might have meant something terrible once, but they mean something different to her now. (And can I say, I really love that the game basically gave you the option to say exactly that? Because I really, really do.)

It was also really nice that Solas was actually pretty okay with it? I thought he might not be, but he was all, no, it’s fine. I only wanted to let you know, and have that choice— I think you’re perfect the way you are. Just. It was the exact right thing to make me adore him even more than I did before.

And then, he ended it. Which, I knew it was coming— that was one of the two spoilers I knew about Solas / the Solas romance. I just didn’t realize that I’d get enough emotional investment in these two for it to hurt so badly.

I had to stop for the day, after this. I just… needed that break

It belatedly occurs to me that… I think I have a (possibly bad?) habit of picking people who have issues with intimacy and/or personal attachment in some shape or form for my characters to romance. Zevran had his mini-freakout about how he was in love with my Warden, Isabela went NUH-UH NOPE I DON’T WANT LOVE for most of the game, and it literally took her years in which Hawke was understanding and didn’t push her for her to be okay with it, and Solas has been all, ‘shit this is a bad idea why can’t I stay away’ from the start until he finally left.

And here I was thinking that Solas was a deviation from the other games, silly me.

I spent a little bit of time running around, doing a few side quests that I skipped over, and one companion quest— Solas’, ironically enough. It’s all, ‘sorry I broke your heart! Now will you go check out this really weird rift-thing?’

I haven’t had Cole and Vivienne in the same party before, but their banter’s given me some thoughts now? Most of it on Vivienne, but some on Cole + Vivienne. So much of what he says about her all but says that she’s carrying around a lot of pain inside, which made me look at her at least somewhat differently.

At one point, he offers to help her, and Solas praises him, but tells him that she’ll never take him up on it. Another banter that struck me, was one where he said that she cared / was worried about him, in a brief moment when she ‘forgot he was him’, because I found oddly sweet.

Basically, while I don’t really agree with her values, I think I do like her, and I want to know more about her now.

On that note, I really like taking Solas and Cole out together— their banters reveal so much about Solas, and it’s all super-fascinating.

Atheris had a brief conversation with Solas in Skyhold about what happened, and, to no one’s surprise, it was absolutely heartbreaking. She snapped at him a little, about how no one can slip under the “polite mask” he has on, and he told her: “You saw more than most.”

In short, I think I’ll be crying over these two forever. Or at least for the foreseeable future. I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS, GAME. >_>

After that, Atheris had a beyond-fail attempt to hit on Cullen. And by “beyond-fail”, I mean that she didn’t even get far enough for him to figure out what she was doing before she went, ‘what the hell am I doing’ and skedaddled out of there.

Apparently, this game thought that I didn’t have enough feelings about these two, so it needed to give me more! I was fighting a Great Bear in the Emerald Graves, when it started charging straight at Atheris (who I was controlling). She kept leaping out of the way, but it kept coming— and then, just when she had nowhere else to run and the bear was about to strike, Solas— who, last I checked was on the opposite side of the field— suddenly appeared OUT OF NOWHERE right in front of her, and took the blow for her.

Atheris left that battle in full health. MY HEART CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS.

And now, time to see how this game ends.

I agree with Leliana— I’ve never seen Morrigan like this. It’s unsettling, though I definitely feel sorry for her.

HOLY SHIT FLEMETH IS MYTHAL?!?!?!?!??!?!!?

OH, okay. So Mythal is in her. That… makes more sense to me, and requires slightly less tilting of my worldview. Still. Holy shit.

.................Apparently, Morrigan really did think that her mother was going to take over her body? I… now feel rather guilty for thinking that it was just an excuse to convince the Warden to kill Flemeth for her. (Seriously, I was SO suspicious of Morrigan all through Origins, but… it looks like she might have actually been mostly sincere?)

Oh god, so many feelings. SO MANY. Morrigan. There may have been tears in my eyes throughout all of this. I love how she made her choice so quickly, and without hesitation.

Now to kill Corypheus!

THAT IS NOT ON. Corypheus taunting Atheris for her vallaslin— “slave markings”, as he put them, after everything that went down between her and Solas re: them? I know he has no way of knowing that, but still. BASTARD.

(Now I’m curious how that line changes if you choose to have the vallaslin removed, or if it’s different if you don’t romance Solas. I mean, if you don’t, then the Inquisitor has no way of knowing what he’s talking about, right? ……I’m not sure if I have the willpower to play as an elf and not romance Solas, oops.)

OH LORD MORRIGAN no.

Don’t be dead don’t be dead please don’t be dead

AND NOW HE’S TRYING TO BIND COLE. Double bastard!

If Corypheus had anything to say to Solas, he either didn’t say it before I killed him, or I missed it. The former is pretty possible, though— I didn’t have a hard time at all with that boss battle. The dragon was probably the trickiest part, but even then, I thought that Nightmare was harder.

Oh shoot I broke the orb. D: Atheris is really sorry about it, if that helps?

Oh god more feelings. “What we had was real.” SOLAS. T_T

MORRIGAN’S ALIVE. ♥

Solas’ disappearance. >_> Atheris is definitely feeling a sense of loss— “He didn’t even say goodbye.” I feel so bad for her. YOU BETTER FIND HIM, LELIANA.

I know that this is a result of game mechanics, etc etc, but it’s interesting how Sera is super friendly to Atheris, despite their last conversation basically being an argument. I definitely constructing a whole narrative about this in my head now. In any case, they ended on good terms, with Atheris telling her that she’ll always have a home in Skyhold.

Ha, Dorian is just so charmingly (and falsely) indignant about his newfound popularity. It’s cute. ♥

And Josephine is having a meltdown! I kind of want to reach into the screen and hug her, but Atheris didn’t do a terrible job at talking her down. And AWWW at Leliana pointing out her efforts! I definitely have at least one foot aboard this ship. ♥

CASSANDRA IS DIVINE. I was half-positive that it’d end up being Leliana, which might have been more appropriate thematically for both Atheris and the series as a whole, but I can’t say that I’m upset about this result.

And now, for the post-credit scene.

Oh, Solas. :( He just sounds so… broken, so sad. I want to give him a hug so bad.

I didn’t know that he’d given Corypheus the orb! But he sounds so sad about all of it; I can’t really muster anything more than, again, the desire to give him a hug.

Did he just take Mythal/Flemeth inside of him....? Or? I know that she needed a vessel since Morrigan’s avoiding becoming an option, but. DDDD: why did I have to board this ship. WHY. I only see pain and misery in my future.

One last thing: I know that DA2 is basically “And Then Hawke’s Life Got Worse”, but somehow… I feel like Inquisition is actually a darker game? Maybe it’s just because of the character I romanced / the choices I made, but I just felt like everything feels sadder, more bittersweet, both for the world as a whole and the Inquisitor in particular. I rarely, if ever had to take breaks from Origins or DA2 because of feeling emotionally drained, but I did with this game.

My thoughts are rather disjointed at the moment, but this sticks out to me: at the very least, Hawke had a devoted group of friends. The Inquisitor does have friends, yes— but she’s an ideal first, and then a friend. Varric went into this a bit, but you also see it in a lot of other things. They all put her on a pedestal, and while I did get attached to their friendships, I always got the impression that there was always some… distance between her and everyone else, because of that awe.

In short, I loved this game to bits and pieces, but I really need fic (especially fix-it fic), pronto. It's a great game, but I’m probably going to be sobbing over it for a long, long time.